Before a serious confrontation ...

I have got the book: Crucial Confrontation!

It is really a great book. After reading it, I learned a very valuable lesson on how to deal with confrontation - in a better way.

But, first things first, I have to work on myself first:

1. Am I the problem?
2. What is the real problem? Am I dealing with the signal or the right problem?
3. Why should I confront? Is it a high-stake "must"?

It also highlights that, we should open our mouth when we have the following signs:

1. You're acting out your feelings
2. Your conscience is nagging you
3. You're downplaying the cost of not taking action while exaggerating the dangers of speaking up
4. You figure that nothing you do will help

Recently, there is one incidence where a sales person inform the technical personel late enough to come out with a proposal to be submitted to a client. I was the last person informed although I am to provide the cost for the project management services. For me to come out with the cost, I need to work on the schedule given by the technical lead. After I have the schedule, I need to review the technical lead's proposal write-up. For this last minute notification, I was so angry and told the sales person coldly, "I will work with the technical lead, but why you inform me so late? Tomorrow is the due date, and you inform me as the last person ..." But, the sales person raised her voice and asked me to forget about the redtapes, and better get started to work on the costing and schedule ... At that time, I was really angry ....

So, after I put down the phone, I did all the things and finally the proposal due date was postponed. Because, the sales person herself said that she was so busy and cannot work on the proposal. Anyway, my obligation is done. But, should I confront her? If yes, what is the real problem?

1. Am I angry because of the fact that she is not respecting us?
2. Am I angry because I don't have sufficient time to complete the work within normal office hours?
3. Am I angry because she was instructing me to do my work?

Now, I am still thinking ... am I creating imagination for above issues? Am I finding excuses to confront her?

Finally .... my decision is ... let me finish the whole book first before I decide :-)

The most difficult people I have ever dealth with ...

Based on my experience, I have come accross the following types of people:

1. The bully. They just want other people do things following their way. They want you to keep quiet and listen to their talk. They will use their authority or their boss' authority. The worse thing is, some times these people will just use very bad tone or manner when they talk. They make you feel like you are nothing. And they like to show their "power" in front of the public to make them look good, but bad on you ...
2. The sniper - They like to stab you from the back! In front of you, they will say all the good things to you. When you are not careful enough ... your blood is leaking ...
3. Everything can; but come to the end, everything cannot!
4. Everything is no. Before you finish your explaination, the answer is already in his mind -- No!
5. "Let's do it! You go first, I will come after you ..." This kind of people will talk like a leader, but when come to problem solving ... you are on your own ... they already start digging another hole somewhere else ...
6. "I know it cannot work. But, don't ask me why!" This kind of people, always got their own assumptions and start with something negative. He will criticise whatever you say, but no solution is recommended. He can always say, "you are the consultant, so you should know what is wrong! Don't expect me to pay you and tell you the answer!"
7. "The things already in my blood! I will never be wrong! Don't ever try to say something stupid to me!" This kind of people just remember the old good days in their time ... whatever they have done was perfect, the best ... they won't admit that there are better ways out there ... They always believe that their experience and skills will never expire ...
8. "I already knew that it won't work ..." This kind of people will criticise how fool you are only after all you have done and tried. They were quiet when you were doing the planning even they were part of the planning team. When something goes wrong, then only they say "I already suspected the things will not work ..." Their "wisdom" always comes only "after" other people failure!
9. Smoker! This kind of people like to "smoke" your view, they paint the wrong picture to cover up what they have done wrong. For example, they will start talking loud on your issue to distract people attention on his late attendance to the meeting ...
10. The Great Pretender! This type of people will be the "nice" people all the time. They will appologize for their fault, their mistake ... but will do it again and again ... It is like they slap on your face and then say sorry for it ... again!
11. The Micro-Manager! This type of people are very thourough. They can always find the "fish bone" in an "egg"!

Do you have the same problems?

Related links:

Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst

Books Recommendation - Crucial Confrontations and Crucial Conversation

PowerPhrases - Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, Don't Be Mean When You Say It

Meeting procedures

All meetings need to be properly minuted. Here are some guidelines to follow for taking minutes and reviewing pending items.

Here is another guide for chairing a meeting.